ode to diarrhea

Well, it would seem that great, wonderful things come from arduous and unpleasant circumstances. Like my latest hit song, Ode to Diarrhea. I was real sick last week with a bacterial infection called shigaella, which is very similar to the salmonella bug that's been infecting a lot of the city lately. Same symptoms: fever, aches, diarrhea, stomach cramps, vomiting. An all around not fun time. And I got to poop in 3 cups over 3 days so a lab could tell me what I had, and thereby what antibiotics to take to kill it. Tho, I didn't end up taking any antibiotics, cuz my symptoms were much more chill after resting, rehydrating, and pooing in cups for 3 days; and also cuz it's widely recommended to not take antibiotics for these types of infections because, among other things, it makes you a carrier of the bacteria for much longer. So I'm better now, and the goddess has shined on me, rewarding my suffering with the beautiful piece of art I now wish to share with you.

WARNING: As this new song is about diarrhea, there is a lot of potty humor and imagery that some might find offensive. I think it's terribly funny, and witty to boot. But I wish to forwarn the faint of heart, or those grossed out by fecal references, and hereby excuse myself from any responsibility or guilt if you should be offended or sickened by my genius. The lyrics to the song will be posted at the end of this entry so you can avert thine eyes, if you so wish. PS: if anyone would like to contribute a beat to this song, which is a rap, please post a comment at the end to contact me.

In other news, my special lady Tenley arrived on Monday for a 2 week visit. We're gonna hit the beaches of the Oaxaca coast next week for some surf and sun, and maybe check out some ruins too. Yesterday I built my first official compost pile, following directions I found at www.mastercomposter.org, a great resource for composting. I call it my first official, cuz this time I was doing a layer method that follows this formula: dry/brown/carbon layer (dry leaves, hay), wet/green/nitrogen layer (kitchen scraps), water both layers. Cover pile with layer of browns, and plastic (if desired). Today I have in my yard a nice hot pile, where the thermophyllic bacteria are eating up the food scraps to make the good organic fertilizer. I'm very excited, and will be giving the Peace House a workshop on composting as my contribution to house knowledge. The worm bin is also doing pretty well. I'm feeding it regularly to get the population level up up up. For me, there's no joy quite like that of seeing a writhing mass of red wigglers eating your food scraps. But that's just me.

I'm also looking into doing some bike repair training at a workshop in a nearby community, and also hopefully working with a bike delegation that may be coming down this summer to do workshops and deliver parts. It's a bit of a scarry idea, doing a workshop on a topic I've never given one on before in Spanish. But I figure that's what I came here for... so I might as well go for it, eh?

And now, with out further ado.............


ode to diarrhea
by mc hershey squirt

i gotta poop, dood – i can't help myself
get outta my way! – or i'll mess myself
eatin street tacos is bad for yo' health
pull that pink pepto bismol bottle offa the shelf
guardando la cama for the past 3 days
i can't see straight thru this feverish haze
went to the doctor, he gonna sample my stool
drop a turd in a cup, life is just too cruel
fecal matter go splatter walkin down the road
pitter patter poo poo platter sittin on the commode
feel like i got diarrhea of the mouth
all we talk about is shittin sittin round the house
don't wanna set foot in the bathroom for about 2 weeks
la lucha sigue! always got a movement passin thru my cheeks
whoever smelt it, dealt it – we used to play that game
now every time i fart i be leavin a stain
in my underwear
i got a rumble – where?
a grumble grumble – where?
right down under there in my intestines
some evil bugs infesting, nesting, distressing
i'm not resting 'til i get everything out
leaky butt like a spigot drippin, ain't no drought
some mean chocolate milk comin out my spout
i know a few in san cris know what i'm talking about
salmonella, e coli, man they gimme the runs
la gringa! tons o' nutella spread on my buns
it ain't no fun havin Moctezuma's wrath
between my bed and the toilet i done worn a path
pull my finger! yeah, you know how that one goes
but don't do it to me, i'll have to change my clothes
you might be hosed down standin near my behind
and let me tell you this potion don't smell so fine
gimme a cork, man, and some pampers too
my draws got more skidmarks than the highway do
sent my best friend down to the sex toy store
i finally found out what they make butt plugs for
i can't wipe no more, god damn that hurts
feel like Charlie and the factory of hershey squirts
i better thank the spirit for sendin this rhyme to my dome
good thing i get my best ideas sittin on the throne
wooooo haah! send my love out all the sick peeps
man, i'm outta toilet paper, pass me a few sheets
and take this message out to the streets
wash your hands, clap clap, and be careful what you eat
less you wanna have wicked potty mouth like me